


Merry little Christmas

by Moonylina



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, No Angst, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Slow Dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:54:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28271976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonylina/pseuds/Moonylina
Summary: In that exact moment a song came on the radio. And with this song came memories. They came over Bucky as it happened sometimes, this was one of the not so flashy and overwhelming ones. It came rather slow and comforting, like remembering an old fairytale you loved as a child.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Merry little Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Please pretend like the song „Have yourself a merry little Christmas“ was already released back then, thanks🥺  
> Just some Christmas fluff,, there‘s nothing big behind it I just wanted to write something cute.

It was the 25th of December. Bucky didn‘t dream anything this night, a very rare occasion but he wasn‘t mad about it, not at all. Always when he had dreams they were the worst nightmares. Dreams brought him nothing more than that anyways. Him hurting people, him being a cruel, heartless monster...him forgetting again, being lost, without knowing who he was. Forgetting again was his biggest fear. He tried hard not to think about it as he noticed his breath getting faster. With a deep breath out he told himself to just be grateful for not having any nightmares this time. He sat up and took a look to the place next to him. Steve was lying on the other bedside, peacefully as ever, face still buried deeply into the soft pillow. It sent a kind of calmness and endurance through Buckys body. It felt good to know that somebody was there for him, always has been.

Behind Steve, outside the big window everything was covered in snow. It must‘ve snowed the whole night through and probably only stopped recently. It was beautiful. Bucky remembered that he also had thought so back then. Suddenly the radio went on and Bucky winced. The blinking numbers showed that it was exactly 8am. „Stupid Rogers, still has an alarm to go jogging in this weather“, Bucky thought with a little smile. Steve slowly opened his eyes by the sound of the radio and as soon as he saw Bucky already sitting next to him, a smile flashed at his lips. „Mornin‘ Buck“, he said, his morning voice still rough. „You sleep well?“, he asked. 

„It was fine“, Bucky answered, not lying this time. Steve nodded. He couldn‘t even say how happy he was that Bucky didn‘t wake up from nightmares so often anymore. The only reason why Steve had started sharing a bed with Bucky in the first place, was that he was so worried about his friend and wanted to be there and comfort him if anything happened, or at least he had said that this was the only reason. The smile didn‘t leave his face anymore and he too sat up, talking about the weather or something. Bucky couldn‘t really focus on it anymore, because in that exact moment a song came on the radio. And with this song came memories. They came over Bucky as it happened sometimes, this was one of the not so flashy and overwhelming ones. It came rather slow and comforting, like remembering an old fairytale you loved as a child. 

How beautiful Brooklyn had looked. The streets covered in snow under the lampposts. A cold breeze blowing in the air and through every open door inside the warm buildings. It was beautiful but the worst. If it hadn‘t been for Steve, Bucky would‘ve loved the winter, but he just couldn‘t. „It‘s not that bad, Buck. I can stay just go and play with the others“, Steve had told him he doesn‘t even know how often when they were kids. But Bucky never wanted to go. What was a snowball fight if he knew that meanwhile Steve was almost dying of a simple cough in his room? The worry never left him, not one single winter, not even now that they were grown ups. Steve would wheeze one time and memories of a looking one cough away from dying Steve and Bucky desperately praying by his bedside, would come to him.  
He never prayed, really. His family wasn‘t really religious but oh lord, Bucky would‘ve prayed to anyone if it just meant that Steve Rogers would live. And for some reason that punk always made it. 

It was the 24th of December, Christmas Eve. Steve and Bucky were as so often walking on the rather lonely streets, closer and closer to their apartment. Steve constantly rubbed his pale hands together to get at least a bit warmth into them and even tho his gloves were full of holes, he refused to let Bucky buy him new ones. „No Christmas presents“, he had made Bucky promise. They weren‘t particularly the poorest, but this year just hadn‘t been the best for them and after a more or less long discussion they decided to spend as little money as possible for Christmas. A lot of it had gone into the presents for Buckys family anyways. 

Steve loved Buckys family and they loved Steve just as much. Ever since Stave can remember he had loved their household, it was loud and full of laughter and fights and people. The exact opposite of his and his Ma‘s home. It was also where they were coming from right now. It‘d been two years now since Sarah passed away, last year it‘d been way harder for Steve. He had never thought that after the most important person in his life died, he ever could experience happiness again. Now he realized that that‘s what Sarah would have wanted. He still thought of her so very often of course, but most of the time he tried to do it with a smile on his lips, she‘d always told him how brave he was. 

It was no question for Winifred Barnes that Steve was welcome to their Christmas dinner now. At first Steve refused and said he didn‘t want to be a burden, but of course Bucky, who could just be as stubborn as Steve could be, had talked him into coming with him eventually. It had been a wonderful evening really. Winifred was an amazing cook and with Bucky‘s sisters at home it never got boring no matter what happened. It just filled your heart with warmness seeing light and happiness in children’s eyes when the day they had been waiting for for so long finally came. 

Bucky smiled to himself thinking about the passing day. The only lights on the streets now where the lampposts and the few buildings decorated with fairylights. He could see his breath disappear in little puffs before him. His hands were buried deep inside his pockets. There was some kind of magic in the air, if you‘d ask him, he wouldn‘t be able to say what it was, but he felt it. Steve did too, tho he felt more cold than anything else. They were walking in silence for a long while now and because neither of them decided that it was awkward, it wasn‘t. From time to time Steve cleared his throat to prevent coughing. 

„Are you alright, pal?“, Bucky asked after a while to break the silence again. He earned an annoyed glare from Steve who replied with a furrowed brow: „I‘m fine, s‘not like I‘d just collapse and die right on the spot.“ He knew that Bucky would never mean to be rude and just really cared for him, but sometimes it just made him feel weak. Bucky scoffed and answered slightly amused: „Is that the way to treat someone who was just worried if you‘re doing okay because of all this Christmas stress?“ He nudged Steve with his shoulder. Steve couldn‘t prevent a smile as he answered „You‘re a jerk, Barnes, really.“ Bucky sighed „I know, I know and you‘re a damn Punk.“ He started walking a bit faster and Steve followed. Even though it couldn‘t get any more dark, they wanted to get home quickly. 

When they finally entered the small apartment Steve pushed the door close behind them. It wasn‘t particularly warm inside, but definitely warmer than outside in the snow at night. „What are your plans on this wonderful Christmas evening?“, Bucky asked with a grin on his face as he sat on the old sofa. He looked at their tiny Christmas tree. They got it from a forest, it was so small that it could stand on their table. The tree also didn‘t have any decorations on it, it was just a simple, green, small Christmas tree. Bucky still adored it for some reason. He thought it was the cutest Christmas tree he‘d ever seen. For some reason he had always always loved the things, others didn‘t even perceive. „Oh let me see“, Steve answered finally „First I have a meeting at nine and then a date at ten and oh- how could I forget my wedding at midnight.“  
Bucky let out a huffed laugh and Steve just had to laugh with him. „So no plan?“, Bucky asked once again.   
„Of course no plan“, Steve deadpanned. „If you want to, we could go out dancin‘. I think Laura said, she doesn‘t have anything to do today“, Bucky suggested. Steve scoffed: „Would be like any other weekend then. This is Christmas.“ Bucky smiled as if he exactly knew, that everytime Steve saw him dancing with a dame, he wished it was him instead.

He went over to the only half broken radio and turned and pushed the buttons until they could finally hear a sound. It was some soft Christmas carol, the perfect song to get you into this holy mood.Then Steve went over to Bucky and sat onto the floor opposite to his best friend. He stared at the tree, Bucky swore he could see a disappointment in his eyes because they couldn‘t have anything more special than this. Steve didn‘t acknowledge the simple things. „Get off the floor, you‘re goin to freeze your ass off“, Bucky stated and after rolling his eyes, Steve got up and let himself sink onto the sofa next to his friend. But he didn‘t sit for long, because an idea flashed into his mind. Something he had planned and nearly forgotten. 

„I have to get something“, he said quickly and then jumped up. „YOU said no Christmas presents“, Bucky reminded him with a suspicious glare. „Yeah, yeah.“ Steve came back with two normal water glasses and a bottle of- Buckys eyes widened- bourbon Whiskey. Before he could open his mouth, Steve cut him off and quickly said „I didn‘t buy it. Mr. Anderson gave it to me as a Christmas present, you know the boss from the store I‘ve been working in since a few months.“   
Bucky just smiled one sided and took the bottle out of Steve hands to each fill them a glass of the Whiskey. 

The conversation they had was lightweight and unimportant. Just two friends joking about whatever and saying everything that came to their mind without thinking about it. Almost everything. There were those moments. When Steve would look Bucky in his ice blue eyes, so deeply and warm and longing. He would look and Bucky wouldn’t know why but he would think about what could be and then the moment would break. Steve would turn his face or laugh or say something else and Bucky‘d switch back into reality and act like nothing happened. He also acted like he didn‘t feel Steve‘s touch on his thigh when Steve told a story and absently put his hand there. Or the way he shuffled a bit closer for the warmth, tho it wasn‘t even that cold. And certainly Bucky wouldn‘t think about the goosebumps Bucky got when Steve whispered something into his ear or talking in a lower voice. 

Hours passed and their Christmas mood got higher and higher. They started talking about dancing, neither of them later knew how they even started talking about it. „How does it come you never really at least try with the girls, some often really liked you,“, in a slightly lower tone Bucky added „You’re not unattractive to all people like you always say, you know.“ Steve sighed, still being sure that everything he thought to hear was wish thinking. Why would they talk about this now? It was Christmas damn it and not Steve exposing his crushmas. „It‘s just, I mean“, he stuttered „You‘re so charming and good at dancing and sweet to the dames...you‘re handsome too. Next to you I‘d just look pathetic, I can‘t even dance! All I‘d do is step the poor girl on her feet. I really don‘t wanna torture them like this. Steve took another sip and with that this conversation was over for him. He just needed a good topic change.

Bucky frowned for a few seconds. Suddenly he said something quietly, so quietly that Steve had to make Bucky repeat it, before he could understand what his friend meant. „Can I give you a present?“ „Bucky, how often-„ „Can I give you a present, if it doesn‘t cost anything?“ Steve hesitated a few seconds and thought about it. „And what would that be?“ he asked with a spark in his eyes. „You said I‘m a good dancer?“, Bucky asked with a cocky grin now that Steve had taken his offer. „I suppose“, Steve answered, his throat suddenly feeling very dry and his pulse getting up. If this was really going on the direction Steve thought it was, he wasn‘t sure if he could handle it. 

„I could teach you how to dance...if you want to“, a totally normal, nice offer, nothing guilty about it, just one friend helping another. But Steve was freaking out inside. James Buchanan Barnes would teach him how to dance. Fuck...what shouldered he even do now? Say yes? No? Think about it? What would a person who doesn‘t have a crush on their best friend do? „Stevie?“, Bucky asked, noticing how unfocused his friend had looked. „Ye-yes of course, why not“,his mouth was faster than his brain. Steve let out a shaky laugh to make the situation less uncomfortable. Before he could say another word Bucky was standing in front of him, hand ready to take Steve’s in his. 

The radio started a new song. 

Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
Let your heart be light

Steve internally screamed at his hands to stop shaking as he slowly reached out. „Are you sure this is a good idea? I don‘t want to break your toes or anything“  
„Can‘t break my toes with me as a teacher“, Bucky responded, sounding calmly as ever while gently placing his friend into the right position. „One of the most important things is to know where to look.“ „And how am I supposed to know?“ „Don‘t interrupt me, I wasn‘t finished- Most of the time, especially while dancing to a slow song like this one, you should keep eye contact, makes her feel like she‘s the only person in this room, makes her feel like you only care about her“, Bucky said as he remained having eye contact while slowly moving the flat.   
Ice blue met ocean blue. 

Steve didn‘t know what to think about all of this. His brain just shut off, because what the hell was happening?? Bucky and him were dancing. They were dancing with „Have yourself a merry little Christmas“ playing quietly in the background. „You‘re not doing so bad, still have all my toes“, Bucky said and smiled fondly. „What?“, Steve responded, panicked, like he just got caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing. Only then he realized what Bucky had said. „Oh, thank you.“ Nor Steve smiled too, a rather shy one, Bucky didn‘t see that one often. Steve tried to concentrate, he really did. We‘re just friends learning something, there‘s nothing behind it. But, dear god, Bucky was so close to him and they were holding hands and his heart was beating so fast. 

„Another important point is to know when she wants you to kiss her“, Steve accidently gasped which caused Bucky to chuckle. „To what?“ „To kiss, you know, the thing with your lips“, The taller man stated, laughing a bit. Steve rolled his eyes, inside he just screamed. „You have to get that certain type of look from her, it‘s hard to describe, but you just feel like it‘s the right moment“, Bucky explained poetically. Steve‘s eyes wandered down to his friends lips as he heard what he said, but they went immediately up again, it was less than a second. 

But Bucky noticed. Of course he did. He noticed, because he looked at Steve like he was the only person in the world. Not just now while dancing, he always did. And to Bucky in that moment, he was in fact the only person. The only person he would ever wanna do this again with. He gently pushed Steve closer, their chests being almost pressed to each other. Where he got the confidence from, he didn‘t know. But Steve had the look. A look filled with longing, passion, feat and love. A look that said „Kiss me now you stubborn idiot, or it‘ll never happen“   
And that‘s what Bucky did. He moved forward so slowly, leaving enough time for Steve to move away or slap him any second, but he didn‘t. Of course he didn‘t. 

Hang a shining star upon the highestbough  
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

The song ended. It had felt like an eternity and one second all at once. Bucky moved away, his lips still half parted. „Just like that look“, he whispered breathless. Maybe he just ruined a perfectly fine friendship, but it was Christmas and finally FINALLY kissing Steve was Bucky’s present to himself. Steve didn‘t say a word, or moved or even made a sound. He just stood there and stared, quietly processing the current events. „I think I need you to show me again“, he suddenly whispered and Bucky almost cracked up laughing. But he was too much in trance, he was too much in this perfect moment than to ruin it now with anything. And he did kiss Steve again, slowly, sweet and with the best feeling in the world. 

„Merry Christmas, Stevie“, Bucky simply said when they finally, after a longer kiss let go off each other. Steve was still overwhelmed and processing but, lord, if he hadn’t felt this happy in years. „Merry Christmas, Buck“, Steve said before this time he was the one to stand on his tippy toes and kiss Bucky deeply. And they had always known. Deep down they‘d always known it could be like this. 

„Bucky- hey Buck, are you okay?“ Steve asked, same blue eyes concernedly looking at him. „Yeah“, Bucky responded with a smile   
„I just remembered something“


End file.
